Kalliope's Korner
Kalliope's Korner
Grill Wars: The Hilarious Chaos of Childhood Barbecues
Have you ever wondered why family barbecues feel more like chaotic orchestras than simple cookouts? Join us as we unravel the hilarity and complexity of our childhood barbecues that demanded four weeks of meticulous preparation. From the endless list of meats and veggies to the precise cheese-folding rituals, these gatherings were truly an event of their own. You’ll hear about the frantic, yet comically strict, requests for toasted buns and why no one dared to offer help, fearing they’d disrupt the sacred grilling order.
In this episode, we take a nostalgic walk through the often overwhelming family dynamics at these summer cookouts. Discover how these unforgettable experiences have shaped our current grilling habits, whether it’s avoiding the grill altogether or upholding the meticulous methods passed down from our parents. If you’ve ever felt the pressure of orchestrating a barbecue or simply want to laugh along with our grilling tales, this episode promises to resonate and entertain. Tune in and relive the essence of summer barbecues, where the smallest details led to the most memorable and amusing moments.
This morning I'm coming into work. I was listening to Fox and Annie in the morning on CBS, fm 101.1. They were talking about grilling. You know 4th of July coming up and it made me realize today just how fucked up my childhood was, because I hear people talking about barbecues Like, oh yeah, we had, you know, burger. Oh, my dad makes the best steak in the world. One guy was a little extreme. They said something about like locking up the barbecue with a padlock and I got to tell you right now all the stories over here.
Speaker 0:I was like, yeah, okay, when we were kids, if we were having a barbecue, it was like a four-week event, okay. And like, let's have a barbecue on the 4th of July. It was decided June 3rd and then it was like, oh, we're going to barbecue. These things started happening already in June. Okay, then you got all the meat you have to have, like you have to have chicken. You got to have sausage the spiral sausage, right. Then you got to have the fat sausage. You got to have burgers. You got to have hot dogs. You got to have like some kind of steak for this, a skirt steak for that, ribs for this one, this for that. Then you got to add the vegetables. My mother would take all kinds of squash, cut them up, put them in like these aluminum foil things she would make and put marinades and then sometimes it would be peppers. And then if we were the cheese, let me tell you right now, the cheese was always a problem, because if you use the American cheese like the boys had cheese or the land the lakes cheese, you get from the deli, the corners didn't fold Right and if any cheese got on the grill it was going to be a big fucking problem. So you would have to use the craft singles but you leave the wrapper open and you fold the four corners in and my mother would line them all up on the tray this way, when was cooking, he could just take the cheese and do this and do what he's got to do, and then it was like bring this, bring that. And then of course people show up. You got 97 people.
Speaker 0:Everybody wants something different. How do you want your burger? You want it rare, you want it done. What do you like a hockey puck? Oh, you like hockey pucks, right? No, cheese, you like cheese. Okay, and of course you know this is still going all the time.
Speaker 0:You want your buns toasted. That was the worst. Everybody. You want your bun, you want your bun toasted, you want your bun toasted. Ah, it was so funny. But what really got me is the way people acted at the barbecue. Like nobody would say, hey, you want some help? They knew don't, don't ask, you're not helping, don't ask. And like one by one, they would go up and say how you doing Everything? Good? Oh, barbecue looks great, looks fantastic. How do you keep it clean? What do you? Ah, a little. You know. Oil over it. Put it on as high as it could go. Everything melts right off. It was like the godfather wedding or something like that. It was so serious and this is why I don't grill. I don't grill. My husband grills, my sons will grill. I want nothing to do with it. I want nothing to do with it. You want a hot dog? Put it in the water, throw it in the water. I'm good. You.